Gain.

For me, it's almost frustrating to think how unbelievably fast this past school year went. It went so fast... I think about how much I've learned, grown and worked. A lot has happened, either good or bad. Now it's summer vacation, and a new year of experiences will arrive soon.

My counsellor asked me on our last talk: 'What was your biggest gain this year?' I needed a moment to come to a good answer.

Well, I knew for sure now that this IS my path, but that just gives me a relief and a good feeling about myself...not my biggest GAIN. I've gained a lot of wisdom on buildings, houses and art. But is that my biggest gain? It would seem a bit dull and standard if it would, no?

One should pay closely attention to his/her own actions when one wants to know him/herself. I'm thrown in a new surrounding, with many different kinds of people. How do I act in the beginning, and how is my attitude towards others now? How much did this differ from (for example) high school? Can I see the real me now?

What are my roles I fulfilled in group works? And what kinds of emotions come to surface, whether it is dealing with success of failure? Can I control them better than before? Do others respect me, or do they talk about me behind my back?

I'm someone that works very hard, and I can see myself becoming a workaholic (maybe I already am...). When looking at my products, are they products of quality when working under stress? What are my limits and do I know when I have surpassed them? What are my weaknesses then?

Call out a name of one of my friends and automatically a kind of film roll launches with photo's (mostly actually...just 1 photo), quotes of the person, a scene I've shared with him/her etc. All that in a blink of an eye. The materials of memories rushing through my head DEFINE the person. And I can't help but wonder... what kind of material would that person have of me? And...how much do I care about that? Must I always show people my good qualities?

Choices; everyone's got priorities in any kind of situation, it's part of life. Do I come first or do I tend to think of others too? Is my 'plan' of life always that important? Where do I get my motivations, have I got discipline when I do not need it, am I thinking ahead, why the easy way out, how will I choose, why am I doing this?

Do you ask yourself these questions too? I wouldn't be surprised if you would.

I'm not saying I'm there yet. I haven't "found" myself completely. But one thing I've noticed, is that the more you get real with yourself...the more unrealistic the world will seem.

Every so often it's good to take a good look at yourself. An excellent way of accomplishing that is to look at yourself, through someone else's eyes. You can learn from it.

You might like what you see... or not. In that case, all you can do is hope you haven't burned down too many bridges.

But that's up to you.

(Man, I've missed the blog...It's been awhile since I've done this shit.)